What a Difference...

Flu 1 - Momma Zero. 

 

Ugh, what a week. 

 

The kids were out of school, again,  on Monday for snow. Monday night I started feeling bad.  Tuesday I was feeling REALLY bad.  I swear I couldn't have gotten out of bed on Wednesday if my house was on fire - I don't think I have ever had muscle aches that bad before, ever.    It's quite funny how you realize just how much can shut down when Mommy doesn't feel well.  Aaron SO stepped up to the plate and did everything he possibly could to help out and even Zach pulled his own weight. When Aaron left for work at night Zach came in to check on me, asked me if I needed anything, brought me water - and he even made me a card and a bracelet :)  I finally went back to work yesterday and when I got home he was at the fridge pulling out bread and mayo - I asked him if he was making a snack and he told me no, that he was making his lunch for the next day so that I didn't have to do it.  Seriously? 

 

(Apparently I have bad hair days when I'm sick - don't judge!!)

 Enough of that!

 

Alex finished intensive PT today and it really had me sad.  I TRULY feel she has made great progress these three weeks - and maybe it's because of her surgery but I just feel like she's on the cusp of something great and I just wanted a few more sessions!  I want to win the lotto so bad so that I can hire Shannon to work with her every day.

I had to share the contrast of these two pictures:

 

This picture was Alex's first day of intensive therapy.  Notice all of the bungees holding her up, plus Shannon on the floor pushing her knees to a straight extension, plus Alicia holding her shoulders back to get her upright - then notice Alex's face, how scared she looks, how she's biting her fingers so hard.... 

 

Fast forward three weeks and look at my sweet girl....

NO bungees attached, only Shannon working with her - and barely touching her to keep her upright (if you look closely, she's not even using all of her fingers to hold her upright - it's almost effortless, and that is no easy task!)  She has such a look of peace on her face (ok, so she has T-Rex arms but we'll take what we can get!)

Now, I have to say I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been actually MAD at Alex and today was one of them.  Maybe I should re-phrase MAD.  Have you ever watched your child get up to bat and want so much for them to hit a grand slam, or watch them play a basketball game and hold your breath as they throw a three pointer?   Or almost explode on the inside as you watch them swim a near perfect heat and come in first place?  Clearly I'm drawing on my Zach experiences so insert any sport of choice here and the feeling you feel when it's your child and you are willing so hard with all your might that they win or contribute to the team in such a fabulous way that your own muscles physically ache and that's how I was with her today.  I SO badly wanted to stand her up and just have her muscles respond that I got this serious feeling of disappointment when they didn't that I got upset.  After ALL of the hard work she's been doing these three weeks I KNOW she can support herself - even if it is for a brief, teeny tiny second - she CAN help support some of her weight.  When it was time to take her upstairs for bed and I looked her dead in the eye and told her what I expected of her, I stood her up, and she.....did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to help support herself.  In fact, she completely pulled her feet up off the floor so that she was even heavier and more dead weight.  As much as I always want to give her the benefit of the doubt - as many times as I have completely second guessed what she understands and what she doesn't, there is a part of me that feels like she is completely playing me and couple that with the pictures I have of her standing with minimal support and you got one HOT MOMMA!  I gave her FIFTEEN chances to help support herself and I KNOW I should not have given up on her, BUT - I'm human - and I'm sick - and I'm weak and couldn't keep lifting her - and I was OVER it. I know I shouldn't have given in to her, but I finally just scooped her up and carried her upstairs.  I KNOW what she's capable of and tomorrow is a whole new day so she better get a good night sleep and be prepared for the wrath of Momma tomorrow :)  I don't think she was phased at all by me being upset - after I got her ready for bed and I took a time out from her I went back in her room and told her why I was upset with her, apologized for getting frustrated and then asked her if she would do a better job of just TRYING and she raised her silly little eyebrows at me (which is her answer for yes) and then the stinker butt reached out, pulled me close for a hug and gave me a super sloppy kiss - she TOTALLY knows how to play me.