A BIG Loss

This past Friday Alexandra's nurse, who has been with us for the past six years said good-bye to us.  I cannot begin to tell you what a devastating loss this is to all of us - most importantly Alex.  I have cried and cried and cried over this.  It has forced me to think even harder about Alex's future, the long-term care she is always going to need and those thoughts are extremely overwhelming and saddening.   I knew the day would eventually come that Audretta would have to move on, and I knew we would all be sad, but I could never have dreamed of just how emotional I would be.  I can barely talk about it without crying.  I like to think of myself as a pretty upbeat person, but lately I'm so not that person.  My heart hurts so bad for Alex.  Alex has no clue that Audretta was "hired" to care for her.  From the time she was 3, all Alex knows is that Audretta has always been there to comfort her when she's sad, feed her when she is hungry, change her when she's wet, sing silly songs with her, take her for walks, read books to her, play with her, always there to take her off the school bus, always at school with her, always at therapy with her - for all intensive purposes, another mother for her.  I have no idea where we are going to go from here. I have no idea what the future is going to hold as far as care and help for Alex.  I do know that God has brought the most amazing people into our lives because of Alex.  We have been blessed in so so many ways since Alex came along and I can only have faith that He has a plan.  It still stinks though and I'm still just so sad.